Monday, February 2, 2009

Dream, Revisited

Yesterday morning I was in bed, calmly content that it was the Sabbath. Once again I was excited to partake of the sacrament. As I lay there recalling my recent dark/light dream (read about it here), I must have slipped off to sleep again, for I found myself in the same room once again.

This time, however, I started my visit in the clean, white room, made white through the blood of Christ. I felt calm and peaceful, yet excited and grateful for the cleansing power of the Atonement, commemorated by the sacrament. After enjoying the room for a time, I stepped backward and nearly tripped over some object in the room which I thought was empty. As I turned around, I saw a small black box that looked clean and polished, as though someone had taken special care of it.

This box was starkly out of place in the intense whiteness of the room, and I wondered what it was and who put it there. As I was about to kneel to inspect it closer, at once I realized what it was:

The box represented my favorite sins.

All at once, I felt ashamed of the little pet-like transgressions, impure practices, and downright sins that I had, apparently, taken such care of (the box was polished, after all). As I wondered what I should do—hide the box, take a peek inside, try to get rid of it—I felt a voice in my heart that simply said, "It's time."

At this point I awoke, finding my heart racing—quite a difference from the peace which started the whole episode. The message to me was clear: I need to focus more on those things that I've put off changing, correcting, or otherwise eliminating. I'm sure it will be hard (they are my favorites), and I don't think I can do it alone. Nevertheless, I know that I need to "give away all my sins" (Alma 22:18) if I want to be who I ultimately want to be.

Despite the hesitancy I may feel at giving up those pet sins, at the same time, I feel excited to. I recall the heart-wrenching call to repentance issued by Christ, where he mentions the suffering he endured (see D&C 19:16-19), coupled with the exciting conclusion at the end of the section:

Behold, canst thou read this without rejoicing and lifting up thy heart for gladness? ... Be humble and meek, and conduct thyself wisely before me[.] Yea, come unto me thy Savior (D&C 19:39,41)

I'd like to rejoice and be glad. If I come to Christ, he can help me to give away all my sins, even the favorite ones.

It's time.

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