Of Regrets and Resolutions

This entry is part of my general conference application series.

Of Regrets and Resolutions, by Dieter F. Uchtdorf
Second Counselor in the First Presidency



When I read the title of this talk, a recent regret came to mind. We had a Christmas party a couple of weeks ago. Because our youngest was ill, my wife wasn't with me. The older children and I ended up leaving the party early because it was going later than anticipated, and in doing so, we forfeited the cheesecake that was planned for dessert.

Yes, my biggest regret of the past few weeks is not eating a piece of cheesecake.

Coincidentally, this regret should be something I champion as a success because I'm always flirting with unhealthy eating and weight gain. In fact, I have a blog post from two years ago where I committed to lose weight and track my progress (link). You'll notice that the numbers are my weight below that resolution point, and that I still keep track. You'll also likely note how much the line jumps up and down!

Now do you understand hw cheesecake relates to my personal regret and success?

I'm sure I could force President Uchtdorf's message into one about healthy eating, exercising, and maintaining a healthy weight, but I'm sure I would regret it. (See what I did there!) Instead, I'll do a summary of his message, include the bits that stood out to me, and conclude with a lame joke.

The key to this message, for me, was this quote:

The foundational principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ can affect our life’s direction for good, if only we will apply them.

The following are three common regrets people approaching death relate:

I Wish I Had Spent More Time with the People I Love

Jesus Christ, and His short life among the people of Galilee and Jerusalem. I have tried to imagine Him bustling between meetings or multitasking to get a list of urgent things accomplished.
I can’t see it. . .

Let us resolve to cherish those we love by spending meaningful time with them, doing things together, and cultivating treasured memories.

I Wish I Had Lived Up to My Potential

When it comes to living the gospel, we should not be like the boy who dipped his toe in the water and then claimed he went swimming. As sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father, we are capable of so much more. For that, good intentions are not enough. We must do. Even more important, we must become what Heavenly Father wants us to be. . .

The more we devote ourselves to the pursuit of holiness and happiness, the less likely we will be on a path to regrets.

I Wish I Had Let Myself Be Happier

Sometimes in life we become so focused on the finish line that we fail to find joy in the journey. I don’t go cycling with my wife because I’m excited about finishing. I go because the experience of being with her is sweet and enjoyable. . .

No matter our circumstances, no matter our challenges or trials, there is something in each day to embrace and cherish. There is something in each day that can bring gratitude and joy if only we will see and appreciate it.

My one-sentence summary of this message is: Spend more time happy time as a family, being who God wants you to be.

Returning to the scene of my recent regret—the Christmas party: I had a good time with my three oldest children, and I even helped all the children put on a special Christmas program. Three birds, one party (or stone). NOTE: no birds were harmed at the party; the meat was cooked beforehand.

Seeing the party through the lens of President Uchtdorf's talk helps lessen the regret of missed cheesecake opportunity. Now I just need to convince my wife that we should have cheesecake this weekend to celebrate our anniversary—the birthday of our family! (We have a history with cake, link.) We can eat it together (time with loved ones), I'll happily make it myself (God-like service?), and we'll be happy when we eat it (resolve to be happy)!

Besides, I don't think my weight-tracking graph will mind a little upward spike from regret-free cheesecake.

Ask the Missionaries! They Can Help You!

This entry is part of my general conference application series.

Ask the Missionaries! They Can Help You!, by Russell M. Nelson
Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles



Children are interesting creatures. When you need them to clean up something or do a chore, they cannot hear anything you say, but when you think they're not listening, the can surprise you by repeating something back to you (sometimes something you wish you hadn't said!).

We recently gathered around the computer for family night and watched the First Presidency Christmas Devotional (link). My four-yr-old was lounging in my lap, staring off at something in the room that wasn't the screen. Right when I was wondering if he was listening, he said, "Christmas, Christmas!" in a very cute way. He had heard the speaker say "Christmas," and was doing something adorable in response. For the rest of the broadcast, whenever he heard someone say "Christmas," which happened many times, he would chime in with "Christmas, Christmas!"

He was listening.

When we watched general conference as a family, we moved the computer out of our bedroom into the family room so we wouldn't start feeling claustrophobic. Knowing that it was going to be four two-hour sessions, we prepared stations and activities for the children. Here's a picture:

I admit that my reasons for this setup were mostly selfish: I thought that if I could keep them engaged in something, then it would be easier for me to watch conference. If they were in the same room, I reasoned, they might learn something, even if they were coloring, quietly playing, or building whatever it is that they oldest was building in the picture! Elder Nelson's address was at least an hour into the first session of conference, and I wondered if my selfish intentions were fully working. I knew I was enjoying conference, but I wondered if the children were getting anything from it.

His remarks seemed addressed to those new to the Church, those who were returning to the Church after some time away, as well as to old-timers in the Church. The focus of his talk was missionaries and missionary service. In emphasizing that missionaries don't just go door-to-door, Elder Nelson repeated one phrase eight times—once after each point:

Ask the missionaries! They can help you!

As you've probably already guessed, right as I was wondering if my children were at least partially listening to conference as they quietly entertained themselves, my eight-yr-old son started repeating the "Ask the missionaries! They can help you!" line with Elder Nelson!

They were listening!

And in case you're wondering what missionaries can help with, here's a brief list:

Missionaries can help with:

1. getting started on family history research
2. returning to church
3. overcoming addiction and living a healthy life
4. filling emptiness in life and finding purpose
5. strengthening marriages and families
6. understanding the scriptures better
7. finding how to help those in need
8. learning about God's plan for you

So, if you're like my children—ready to listen, that is—then ask the missionaries! They can help you!

Because I Live, Ye Shall Live Also

This entry is part of my general conference application series.

"Because I Live, Ye Shall Live Also", by Shayne M. Bowen
Of the Seventy



I have four children ranging from two to eight years old. When they were each small children, I would find myself abruptly waking in the night, filled with the desire to check that the baby was still breathing. Gratefully, they always were, but I still haven't overcome the sporadic feelings of panic over the vitality of my children. If I see them deep in sleep or if they sleep in, I feel the need to compulsively check that they're breathing.

My feelings of fear over my sleeping children is likely no comparison to those who have experienced the great loss of losing a child. Some of the hardest conversations my wife and I have had were the what-if conversations regarding the potential death of our children: what would we do, how would we help the surviving children understand, where would the child's body rest, etc.

During Elder Bowen's talk, my wife and I held each other close, our faces in a near-constant sad frown state. I imagine that her thoughts were where mine were: on our children. As I listened to his experience of losing his eight-month-old son, my heart felt like it was going to tear in half. These feelings persisted until a specific point in his talk. The change started to occur, for me, during this paragraph:

Sometimes people will ask, “How long did it take you to get over it?” The truth is, you will never completely get over it until you are together once again with your departed loved ones. I will never have a fullness of joy until we are reunited in the morning of the First Resurrection.

Here's what I think happened: As I listened and empathized with Elder Bowen, I imagined a poignant sense of loss over a loved child. In the moment, I felt such sadness that I forgot the end of the story. Elder Bowen beautifully reminded me—because he is experiencing it—of something higher:

I have learned that the bitter, almost unbearable pain can become sweet as you turn to your Father in Heaven and plead for His comfort that comes through His plan; His Son, Jesus Christ; and His Comforter, who is the Holy Ghost.

What a glorious blessing this is in our lives. Wouldn’t it be tragic if we didn’t feel great sorrow when we lose a child? How grateful I am to my Father in Heaven that He allows us to love deeply and love eternally. How grateful I am for eternal families. How grateful I am that He has revealed once again through His living prophets the glorious plan of redemption.

The next time I feel a sharp fear when one of my children sleeps particularly well or deeply, I want to remember that my feelings of fear come from love, and that the Love of God can ease the deepest of pains if fears ever become reality.

I'm grateful for the gospel, and I love my family. I'm grateful that Elder Bowen's words spoke so personally to me. While I pray that I never have to experience the pain and loss he described, I'm grateful for a loving Father whose plan can comfort and relieve pains now and forever.

An Unspeakable Gift from God

This entry is part of my general conference application series.

An Unspeakable Gift from God, by Craig C. Christensen
Of the Presidency of the Seventy



There is a twenty-minute period each week that I really look forward to. During the last twenty minutes of our church meetings, I get to sing with the Primary children! We have a lot of fun together, and after almost three hours at church, the children are understandably wiggly. However, every once in a while, something different happens.

This is an especially fun time or year for singing time because we get to sing Christmas music. A few weeks ago, we unexpectedly had twice as much time as usual. When everything I had planned was finished, we sang the children's favorite Christmas songs. After I drew their name from a bucket we use, one of the children chose "Silent Night."

Knowing this song to be slower and of a different feel from the others we were singing, I think I gave a quick introduction, asking the children think about the words as they sang. The result was amazing: it felt like we were there beside the manger singing to the newborn Christ child!

After the song ended, there was a gentle quietness in the room that I stayed for a moment. When appropriate, I asked the children if they had felt something special, and when they didn't shout out answers, but quietly nodded their heads, I knew that they had. I then told them that the special feeling was the Holy Ghost letting them know that Christmas is special because we remember Jesus' birth and all He did for us.

The quiet feeling lasted for a moment longer. Maybe we should have finished there, but we ended up finishing the meeting by singing "Once There was a Snowman," which invited the wiggles and giggles right back into the room.

Elder Christensen shared an experience that I hope happens in our family. While visiting a newly-built temple open house, his six-yr-old son felt the Holy Ghost in such a powerful way that he didn't understand what was happening. Kneeling beside him, Elder Christensen played his dad role splendidly by explaining that the feelings were the Holy Ghost, and testifying why they were felt.

A temple is being built near our home, in Ft. Lauderdale. We visit the grounds periodically, and have seen it progress from an empty field to a temple-looking building. Here's what it looked like on our visit last month:

We're excited to have "our temple" being built so close to home! Our children are amazing in that they don't complain when we take three-hour trips to Orlando to visit the temple, or one-hour trips to Ft. Lauderdale to see the construction site (they do get to visit IKEA in Ft. Lauderdale, which they love, btw). Temples and temple worship have been in our monthly routine their whole lives, and I hope they remember our visits with fondness, but even more, I want to help them prepare for the time when they can go inside a temple. I want them to feel the Holy Ghost in a powerful way, as did Elder Christensen's son, and know why the feeling is so strong there.

The upcoming open house will be a great opportunity for this, even if it won't be until 2014.

Until then, we'll be back to visit often, and I'll watch for opportunities to identify the Holy Ghost with them so they'll learn to recognize it too.

But I secretly hope the powerful feelings of the Spirit at the temple open house still surprise them. I'd like to kneel and lovingly whisper reminders of what they will already know about this unspeakable gift from God.

I Know It. I Live It. I Love It.

This entry is part of my general conference application series.

I Know It. I Live It. I Love It., by Ann M. Dibb
Second Counselor in the Young Women General Presidency



It's hard to believe that there was a time when digital cameras weren't around. It feels like so much of my life is undocumented because I don't have thousands of pictures from each year of my life to document every event. Perhaps this is a good thing overall, but right now I'm wishing I had a particular picture.

When I was twenty-one, my younger brother and I would frequent thrift stores searching for "finds," as we called them—clothes from bygone eras that matched our unique style. My favorites were polyester bowling shirts; his were polyester leisure suits. And in case you're wondering, we looked fabulous!

Being a good sport, my father saw our "interesting" tastes and bequeathed to me the find of all finds! (More on this later.) After all, he was a man of good taste in his day (if he's not still!). I submit the following as evidence:

I'm the baby, my dad has a subtle beauty of a shirt,
and my older brother looks amazing in his pant/shirt combo!

You can't deny the awesomeness of this picture
(especially the mustache!). And we match!

Those matching threads came back (with a vengeance)
after my little brother arrived.

This one's not for style, but narrative: we took trips to the
Denver Temple site as a family during its construction.

And here is where I want to include a picture from my early-twenties. One shirt that I received from my father was a ringer T, with a picture of the Denver Temple overlaid with the words, "Families are Forever." While it's not of me, here's a picture of my son in the shirt my father gave me:

I share these pictures, not because they're "hideously beautiful," as one friend once put it, but because they are a part of who I am. In her talk, Sister Dibb told of meeting a young woman with a T-shirt that reflected her belief that read, "I'm a Mormon. Are you?"

Of her reflection on this experience (and the choice to wear a declarative shirt), she said:

I wondered how this young girl from Colorado came to possess such confidence in her identity as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

While perhaps not as direct, the temple/family shirt I loved to wear shared a similar message. I wore it because I was an outgoing, vivacious young adult who was not afraid what others thought of him. Also, I love the gospel.

Sister Dibb suggested what she would figuratively print on her T-shirt:

I’m a Mormon. I know it. I live it. I love it.

Before this session of conference was over, many of my facebook friends had posted graphic designs of this very phrase. I'm considerably slower on this, but here's my submission:

Here's the sad part of this blog entry. I'm too fat to fit into my Families are Forever shirt. While I cannot use my father's shirt to share one aspect of my beliefs with others, I want to live so that my belief in Christ and His restored gospel is apparent to others.

Also, I also feel like I need to find something besides boring-blue for our next family photo:

I'm thinking rainbow paisley...